The Process

I will describe the process of an arranged marriage as told by one individual. I am sure that this process differs depending on location, community, and economic background.

To keep it simple, I will discuss the process for a son and his family even though the same would be done for a daughter:

A couple will look for a wife for their son at ceremonies or weddings. Generally most of the people at these gatherings would be distantly related and of the same caste. If the mother or father sees a girl who looks respectable and well behaved, they will ask their host about her.

The host then acts as the middleman, going to the girl’s parents and asking their opinion on the boy. If he is suitable, they exchange pictures of their children. Each family will ask around about the other girl/boy and their family. The family is important because 1.) if there were any indiscretions with the girl’s the parents or siblings, it reflects badly on her; 2.) a girl will move in with her husband’s family after marriage and so they must be sure that his family will treat her properly.

Later, the boy’s elders will go with him to the girl’s house where the couple can meet and decide if they like the looks of each other. If both families are still interested, they will go to an astrologer to make sure that the planets are right for their marriage. This is a very important step and even if everyone agrees to the marriage but their astrology is bad, they will not marry.

In this kind of marriage, the decision to marry comes from relatives including elder brothers and sisters and their spouses. Some families are less strict and if the boy or girl does not want to marry the other, they will not force the marriage. Others, however, do not take the couple’s feelings into consideration in the marriage process.

***I took the picture displayed here during an Indian wedding ceremony.