There are a few factors which need to be considered:
1.) Marriage has different definitions in different cultures.
2.) Arranged marriages are a family agreement and so they are not just about the individuals involved. It is in the best interest of everyone if the arrangement is a good one.
3.) Parents and relatives are older and wiser and so it is believed that they know better what will make their child happiest.
4.) In most cultures that have arranged marriage (especially Asian cultures) there is a deep sense of respect for elder. This means that a person must follow the commands of their elders, regardless of what it is.
5.) The individuals within the couple will have similar backgrounds, making it easier to adjust to each other.
6.) When people are married young, they are less stuck in their habits and are more malleable and able to adjust to each other easier.
7.) People are raised with the belief that this is the best way, so though it
may seem like a strange and unimaginable practice to many in our culture, these people are more prepared for it and so the transition is less difficult.8.) Marriage is about more than love, intimacy, and attraction. It is an agreement to take care of each other regardless of what happens.
9.) When a couple begins their relationship not knowing each other, their relationship can only grow to understand each other more.
In the book Investigating Culture by Carol Delaney, there is a quote from William Julius Wilson: “Historically, stable systems have rested upon coercion, overt or veiled, and on inequality…without coercion, divorce and single motherhood rates will remain high.” In a system such as in India, people know their roles which may make it more stable.
This list is not to say that I believe that arranged marriages are better than love marriages. I don’t think there would be any way to measure which is better. Even divorce rate cannot be an indicating factor because many couple in India do not have that as an option. By creating a list such as this, I am trying to get into the mindset of one who believes that arranged marriage is the right way and see why this thought process makes sense.
***This is a picture of an ancient stone temple in Chennai on the south-eastern part of India.
1 comment:
Congratulations on your engagement! Talk about culture shock, it must have been a wild experience to step into an entirely different culture and come out with a fiancée! I find your topic absolutely amazing. Through the example of your own life, you have shown examples of arranged marriage and your own engagement, which, correct me if I’m wrong, seems to be a mix of both; marrying for love but with all of the ceremony and tradition common to arranged marriage in India. You have done a fabulous job of explaining arranged marriage and why it works for some couples without belittling the practice. You didn’t let your own perspective on marriage get in the way, and because of this, you have a very well balanced blog. The information provided makes it easy to see why arranged marriage is predominant in many cultures. If we opened up our eyes to the practices of other cultures, we might see that sometimes they make even more sense than our own! I’m glad to see that you found happiness in India.
Post a Comment