Thoughts of marriage from the beginning

My relationship with Pramod forced me to think about marriage right from the beginning. This is not because he put the idea of arranged marriage into my head, but because I didn’t want to ruin his life. As far as people in his community are concerned, at 23, Pramod is getting to be the age to be married. Like I mentioned before, his father and relatives had been encouraging him to marry throughout our relationship until our engagement this summer. One factor which increased the urgency for his marriage is the fact that his mother died eight years ago and his sisters are both now married off: this means that culturally they need a woman in their home to domestically take care of him and his father (even though they are actually doing fine just the two of them).

As an American, it is acceptable for me to experiment and date. I am allowed to take my time and really get to know a person before I decide to get married. I can even live with a person before marriage or decide not to get married. Neither of these options is acceptable in Pramod’s culture.

It is not alright for Pramod to hold off on an arranged marriage only to then break up with me somewhere down the road. By being with me, he has been putting his life on hold for something that most members of his community cannot understand and will even criticize—love before marriage.

***This is a picture of me and Pramod during our engagement ceremony.